From Love-Hate to Heartache
by Nikoru-chi
Summary: Drama, stupid love triangles, and temptations, basically your typical high-school play out, this is where everyone struggles. A girl labeled as emo is constantly on the verge of a meltdown as she struggles to balance her home life and her social life. Can a simple twist of fate somehow change everything for the better? Or make it worse for Kagamine Rin?


**Hello everyone, it's Nikoru-chi! I'm so sorry about not updating hardly any of my other stories; I had nearly everything done on them. My flash drive (which held them all) was stolen at school. *begins to softly cry* so much work down the drain! The epilogue to "Complicated Relations", the second chapter to "Dark Lover", and the fourth chapter to "Questionable Existence"! All gone. I didn't have the will to re-write it, but not to fear; I found rough drafts of the chapters saved on my old computer. I'll just have to export them to this one! Until then, please be patient while I edit the rough drafts! Thanks in advance! For now, I'll post a new story! Enjoy!**

_**~*Chapter 1*~**_

_Let's get one thing straight; I will not fall in love. Love is weak, and I have to be strong. I have to be strong…_

I stared blankly at the small note I made to myself and tapped it on my door, chewing the squishy inside of my cheek until I could taste the salty-coppery flavor of blood slowly fill my mouth. This summer had been the worst and summer band camp was starting tomorrow, leaving me with a feeling of dread.

What if they could see how broken I am through my eyes?

Even now, I was still shaken up about the events that had happened earlier this year. My step-dad had left, not telling us he was leaving or even giving the hint that he was. It was 'poof', now you see me, now you don't. Funny how nostalgia hits you and you can only break down into pieces and hope you still seem okay. After all, my biological father had already left me the year before, so why? Why am I crumbling now?

Why am I so weak?

Surely, there should be some light, something to keep me going…something in the very least…

_Anything…to keep me from glancing at the blades in the kitchen._

I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. Everything would be okay, I would keep telling myself over and over in my head, yet every time I would think that simple, supposedly reassuring thought, the churning pit in my stomach seemed to only get bigger. I pinched the bridge of my nose, mumbling softly.

"I'm fourteen now, so I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

I opened the door of my room and walked out, feeling the cold marble floor beneath my feet as I trudged to the bathroom to take a hot bath. Passing the mirror, I almost didn't want to look at my reflection, but I forced my chin upward. The glassy dull look in my eyes wasn't new, much less the dark shadows beneath them. The lack of sleep only added a jittery, yet mentally exhausted boost to my stress.

My blonde hair was a scraggly mess and looked like it hadn't been brushed for weeks. I looked sick. I hadn't gone outside nearly all summer and my skin was now translucent. I could see the dark veins through my skin, watching them disappear and reappear somewhere a little farther down. I pulled my baggy shirt off and removed my bra, looking at the veins that were visible on my chest. If I move my body one way, I could see the outline of my ribs and count them, even dig my finger between them.

Life had taken its toll on my body, a price to pay for every sin I have and will commit. Someone had it worse than me, someone out there; I have to stop pitying myself and be strong for my siblings.

For Oliver and Iroha.

They did have it worse; it was their father after all. I should be used to this, to people coming and going, so I have to set an example for them. I have to show them that everything will be okay, even if I don't believe it myself. We were at rock bottom, we can only move forward…right?

We were left in such a money bind; my mother was already working her hardest to push us forward, away from it all. I gritted my teeth in returning anger, only to sigh and bang my head against the mirror. My forehead hit the cold glass with a thump as I stood there for a moment, waiting to calm down.

Mom was heartbroken…crying herself to sleep every night…trying to smile and bottle her emotions…

I didn't want that.

I didn't want to end up like that, to feel so alone and betrayed. I had already felt betrayed by Al, my biological father…I didn't want to feel alone. I don't want to ever feel like that, much less go through with life while suffering like that.

The forced look in both my mother's eyes and her lips were enough to drive me to the verge of helpless depression. I don't think I will ever admit it to her, but we were both so weak. Our souls, whatever is left of mine anyway, are too weak. We are too soft and forgiving, one of the reasons my family is used like this.

Being bullied from sixth to seventh grade for my appearance has always left me feeling like I had to be Barbie. Going from a girl with super short hair, no cares, makeup free, and happy, to a girl who will put a decorated mask on, a fake smile, and try to perfect herself in any way possible, just to please society and everyone around her…

That's me.

That's a lot of girls now. Ones who have been bullied like I have…come from a broken home like I have…have felt like I have. I want to find them…to reassure them, to love them when it seems like no one else does, because it's hard to see it when you've been so low. To look at a gentle smile without thinking, "You're going to leave me." Or accept a gentle embrace without flinching.

I shuddered at the thoughts and pulled back from the mirror and turned the tap on, hearing the rushing water slowly fill the bathtub. Why does my family have to suffer for something that he did? A constant question that would echo through my mind as I slipped my panties off and threw them into the hamper.

I stepped into the water, feeling the scalding sensation along my skin, but embracing the burning feeling that encircled my body as I plunged my head beneath the surface and closed my eyes. I could hear the muffled sounds of the water coming from the faucet, but I hardly wanted to move.

For a few moments, I forgot where I was, simply dozing off in the water before my throat tightened, reminding me I needed air. I instinctively inhaled, swallowing water before struggling to remerge, spluttering as I realized the tub had started to overflow. I quickly turned the water off, looking around in a blurry haze. I drained a bit of the water and began to scrub my hair.

After washing my body, scrubbing it until my skin was red from the harsh, swift movements of my sponge; I got out and began to clean the watery mess on the floor, muttering under my breath. I leaned against the door, feeling the cold wood against my steaming flesh. I just want to be strong…

I just want to be happy.

I opened my eyes, looking at the ceiling before softly speaking.

"I, Kagamine Rin, will not fall in love."

How would I know that the vow I had just made…would only be shattered and bring my demise?


End file.
